How to stay in a bad mood

Bad moods hit me like summer storms. They’re sudden, devastating and usually short. I’m a roller coaster type of person, with sensational highs and frightening lows. But what my unconscious tries hardest to avoid is boredom.

As emotions are addictive, I unconsciously prefer to feel down rather than neutral. Another option would be to seek happiness but it requires too much effort. It’s way easier to be in a bad mood. So my unconscious has devised schemes to make sure I keep feeling miserable rather than bored. If you also don’t want to work to manage your emotions and hate feeling neutral, follow my simple guide towards long lasting misery!

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1. Fresh air and sunshine are toxic for your bad mood. Stay inside and form a bowl of sadness on your couch.
2. Any risk of fun has to be avoided at all costs. Refuse invitations from your fun friends. Misery loves company though; seek some other depressed people to hang out with.
3. Review all your recent failures in excruciating detail. Not in a hope to grow from your mistakes or to learn anything; just to have something to feel sad about.
4. Eat food directly from a can, or cold pizza. Don’t bother cooking anything nice for yourself; you don’t deserve it.
5. Nurture a mess around yourself. Cleaning is forbidden: you don’t want your place to become too pleasant for depression. Even tidying up is dangerous for it might bring you some clarity.
6. Watch trash on youtube or TV, or something equally unproductive. That way when you get to the end of the day you’ll have the cold sense of loss that comes from totally wasting your life. Which is the only thing you’re good at.
7. Chocolate and binge eating will make you feel worse quickly.
8. Do some EXt-ing (text your exes). If you have any self esteem left, it will be destroyed when they don’t reply.
9. Your body should match your state of mind. Don’t bathe or shower, stay filthy. Try to get really fat as well, it shouldn’t be hard if you’re doing everything else on the list.
10. Find a mirror and scan your imperfections: wrinkles, white hair, fat deposits. You’re disgusting.
11. Compare your life to the advertised life of your Facebook friends and celebrities. Check profiles from people who seem more successful than you, look at their photos and feel lame. If you’re a woman, compare yourself to pictures in magazines. If you’re a man, notice all the world-class footballers who are younger than you and realise you are never going to make it to the World Cup.
12. Think about your life in extremes: “This guy is ALWAYS against me.” “I’ll NEVER find a girlfriend.” “NO-ONE loves me.” “EVERYTHING sucks.”
13. Block any positive thought out of your brain: nice friends? A good job? A recent achievement? They have no value in the face of how lame you are.y

OR, you could just go outside, breathe some fresh air, meet fun friends and build around the positive aspects of your life. Beware though, once you kick yourself out of your sorry state, it might become harder to get back into it.

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