Sometimes, I feel like a master at male psychology. When Nick refuses to help me proofread one of my post drafts, for example, I start whining endlessly until he caves in to make the noise stop. I’m the Sigmund Freud of nagging.
However, I’m sometimes puzzled by men’s behaviour, speech and beliefs.
The power of breasts
Most straight men I know are obsessed with breasts. Luckily for me, the size doesn’t seem to matter that much. However big a girl’s breasts are, a low-cut top will always have an hypnotic effect on guys. I even caught my faithful fiancé Nick staring at a girl’s cleavage, but forgave him because I’m the perfect woman. I truly understood the power of boobies when I introduced a single girlfriend of mine, let’s call her Irène, to a single guy friend that we’ll call Eric. After the first time they met, I asked Eric:
“So, what do you think of her?”
“Dunno, she has a nice personality, but she’s not really my type.”
They met a second time at a party and Eric showed no interest in her whatsoever. The third time they met was at another party on a hot summer day. Irène was wearing fewer clothes than usual and her pert breasts were nicely displayed in a low-cut top.
Eric’s reaction after the party: “Irène looked nice tonight, can I have her phone number after all?”
Eric saw Irène TWO times, long enough to see her face and her body and felt no attraction for her. As soon as he saw her breasts, she became attractive. I just don’t get it.
Men won’t take my side
Let’s say I had an argument with a girl from work. I come home hoping to get some understanding and comfort from Nick. I tell him how wrong this girl from work has been and how much I hate her.
His reaction: “She probably just had a bad day. And apparently you haven’t been so nice to her either, so what do you expect?”
I expect him to take my side! To show some empathy! I’m not looking for fairness or good judgement, but for comfort. Any girl hearing another girl in distress would know what to say: “What a bitch your colleague is, you were totally right and she was totally wrong.”
But men don’t get that. They want to help me solve the problem, to make sure I’ll be friends with my colleague again soon, and for that, they can’t just take my side. It’s not fair.
Men won’t talk to the one girl they like
How many times have I heard a guy going on and on about how pretty, how perfect, how sexy this one girl is. My reaction is usually to come up with a scheme to help them finally talk to the girl. I’m always ready to play matchmaker if needed and to help them connect with their one true love.
Their reaction: “Oh no, I’ll never talk to her, are you crazy? She’s too perfect, she’s too good for me.” And then they look down, defeated.
I’m not saying that women are more proactive when it comes to talking to someone they like but men seem to have this weird categorisation of women:
- Not attractive enough to even catch their attention. What’s the point of talking to them?
- Pretty enough to catch their attention but not out of their league so it’s okay to talk to them.
- Perfect and inaccessible creatures.