Anti-Depressants and Consciousness

I didn’t think I would start writing about anti-depressants, but it is all I can get started to write about. For various reasons, I’ve been taking antidepressants for the past 2 years of my life. While it has helped me a great deal and allowed me to live a ‘normal’ and mostly happy life, I now realise– after a month and a half not taking them– how my emotions have been hibernating for 2 years.

I was on a kind of average mood all the time: never completely depressed nor exhilaratingly happy. I was functioning well. As Freud said, mental health is the “ability to love and work”. So I was working, and loving. I can’t even complain too much about the side effects of the ADs: I didn’t gain weight, nor was I extremely sleepy. I could have gone on through my whole life taking them; that was actually what my doctor suggested. It is quite hard to get off ADs, as they cause strong physical and psychological dependence. It is not impossible though.

While I wasn’t sure whether I was able to or if the decision to quit was the right one, I knew deep inside that I wasn’t  experiencing the highs and lows that are part of experiencing the present moment. Something was missing, the strength of my emotions probably.

Today, I can feel intense joy or begin to cry while listening to a great song. During the same day, I go from being very excited, to nervously giggling, to feeling intensely emotional, or just eventually being fine; I kind of like it. I am also overwhelmed sometimes. Those mood swings remind me that I am vulnerable to the world I live in. Back on the same life roller-coaster everyone else is riding.

As I look at the last 2 years, I feel like I’ve been asleep and I am now slowly waking up.

You might also enjoy:

Miss Blue and Miss Red

A Place to Hide Emotions

Fighting Insomnia

8 thoughts on “Anti-Depressants and Consciousness

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  4. Thanks for writing this. It is as if someone had written my thoughts and feelings down. It is nice to know that we do not fight this stuff on our own, and that we can all learn from each others victories :)

    • Thank you Paul. To imagine that what I wrote touches people I don’t even know is the best thing :-). I still struggle to be healthy and balanced, but it does get better with time. Good luck to you.

  5. What a very interesting article! I really enjoyed reading it. I really love the way you described all these feelings you met during these months. Congratulations (for stopping and for writing!!)!!

  6. Thinking it takes courage to write about and which you should be proud of — Strong mushy emotional hugs to you.

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