Everyday, I hear guys complain about how they have given the wrong impression to a girl who is now desperately in love with them and becomes obsessed with having sex with them. I thought I could help these guys sending the right message: “go away!”
So here is my list:
- On a date, ignore her. If it is too hard because she is pretty or smart, use a laptop, a phone, or a newspaper to help you out.
- Be cheap: never buy her a drink or anything. Don’t forget to complain about how expensive everything is.
- Talk constantly about boring things.
- Criticize her ideas, attitudes, and even better, her appearance (what she wears, how pregnant she looks in that dress,…)
- On the first date, try to touch her. Best, if you are not sure whether or not she is attracted to you yet, take her hand in yours, especially if it is moist.
- When you sit with her at a café or restaurant, look around for things/persons that deserve your attention more than her.
- If she expresses a conservative opinion, call her a fascist, or a nazi. If the opinion is liberal, call her a communist and a hippy. If she is neutral, proclaim that she doesn’t have any opinion and is boring to talk to.
- Stare at her, if you are too shy to stare at her eyes, go for her breasts: it works even better.
- Invite her to watch a football game, or any sports she is not into. If it is not enough (if she likes you enough to come), ignore her the whole time to watch the game. And call her self-centered for trying to get your attention while you are watching the game.
- Whine about how fat you think you look, or how badly girls treat you, or anything, really. Whining is an extremely powerful attitude for a guy. The girl will end up pitying you and this is not compatible with sex.
- Tell her everything about your ex-girlfriends.
- Never laugh at her jokes. If she is actually too funny for you to stifle your laugh, pretend you are making fun of her because that is how bad her jokes are. If she isn’t the joke making type, point out she has no sense of humor.
- Make racist comments, be rude to people around you and especially to her.
- If she is late, complain for the same amount of time that she made you wait. Act with unrestrained indignation about it (roll your eyes, sigh, etc.)
- Show off how superior you are to her in every ways you can.
- Yawn, and act as though you were extremely bored by her company. Glance alternatively towards the door, at your watch, and at your cell phone at least once every three minutes.
- Regularly mention how important travel is to a balanced worldview and how much you do to maintain your well-rounded personality. Never mention any details of the travel itself or express genuine enthusiasm for it. Travel is something you do to maintain your exceptional trove of wisdom and vision– not something you indulge in for pleasure. (Nick wrote this one).
- Ask her what music she likes. If it’s mainstream, call her shallow. If it’s not, call her pretentious.
- If she’s angry or emotional about anything at all, command her to chill out and blame it (out loud) on her hormones.
- Criticize everything around you: the place, the food, the waitress, whatever!
- Tell her that you’re impressed by how well she is doing in life, only, it’s a shame she’ll have to give it all up when she has kids. (Nick)
- Mock her failed attempts to seduce you: she wears too much perfume and make up, she is over-dressed.
- When she sends you a text or an email, wait for at least 3 days to reply. If she likes you even more because you act that way, she is probably dangerous; don’t reply anymore.
- Pretend you are a super busy important person who has no time for her.
- If she expresses sadness, doubts about her life, or anything she seems to be serious about, smile sarcastically and shake your head in disgust.
Interested in actually scoring points with girls? read A trillion and one ways to score with Chicks, there is no good advice in it, but it will make you laugh. Andrew, my friend, wrote it, and inspired my own list as well as my attempts at making my readers laugh.
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