How to be Jealous in Style

He that is not jealous is not in love. St. Augustine.

In jealousy there is more self-love than love. La Rochefoucauld.

Is jealousy a component of love just as much as snuggling in sleeping bags or looking for a kitten together? Several of my girlfriends complained recently that their boyfriend was not jealous at all. Nick is not very jealous either and I am glad he trusts me. But when he shows a hint of jealousy, I feel utterly flattered and special. A bit of jealousy definitely adds spice to a long-term relationship.

However, too much of it can also kill a relationship. I had a boyfriend a few years ago who was insanely jealous. Once, he threw a huge tantrum because I wore a skirt and he flew into a rage anytime a guy talked to me. He stressed me out so much that I eventually ditched him.

It’s hard to be jealous to the right amount. If you hire a detective to follow your partner’s every move, they’ll freak out. But if you never show any jealousy, your partner will start whinging that you don’t love them. Yeah, relationships are complicated. Luckily for you though, I came up with a list of simple ways to be jealous to the optimum amount. If you do it right, your partner should feel flattered and cared for.

  • Give a ludicrous nickname to some person your partner hangs out with at work or whatever. It doesn’t matter whether you are really jealous or not. As long as it is funny rather than mean, it’ll probably make your partner laugh. For example, if your girlfriend hangs out with a guy named Anthony, call him “Antonym” at home: “Oh you got a drink with Antonym again? How was it?”
  • Be possessive when you really don’t need to be. For example, If your partner hugs a child or a friend, say: “Hey! He’s mine!”
  • Find someone in your partner’s entourage that’s absolutely not threatening (because you know that your partner is not attracted to them or whatever) and pretend to be jealous of them:

“Was Martha at the party?” You can even use it as a genius way to give compliments to your partner: “Did Martha notice your new haircut?”
You can also use it to get out of trouble if your partner reproaches you something: “I bet Martha wouldn’t be grumpy and moody, you should definitely swap me for her.”

  • When your partner mentions someone they like, ask them: “Is she tall?/ Is he strong? Taller than me? Stronger than me?”

If the answer is yes then say: “Oh, I won’t punch her then. But I’ll break her legs! If the answer is no, then say: “Looks like I’ll have to punch him then!”

Looks like I’m gonna have to use these guns to punch Antonym.

  • Before your partner goes out without you, jokingly say: “Are you going out like THAT? You look way too hot! I can’t let you!”  The expected response to this is NOT your partner getting changed. Tell them you were joking if they do. An appropriate response would be a giggle, a kiss and something like: “Don’t worry, you’re the only one for me.”
  • Pretend you had a dream about your partner kissing another person and then be upset at them in the morning because of the dream:

You: “I can’t believe you cheated on me!”
Partner: “What? What are you talking about?!”
You: “In my dream last night! You kissed someone else!”
Partner: (face palm)

.If you suffer from jealousy, turning an oppressing drama into a recurring joke will be beneficial to your relationship. If you don’t really feel jealous, pretending to be in a funny way will make your partner happy. However you really feel, the key is to have fun and to make your partner smile.

You might also like:

True Love: Girlfriend for a day

Ten Terrible Reasons to Get Married

The failed hunt for a conflict-free engagement ring

11 thoughts on “How to be Jealous in Style

  1. Pingback: How to Deal with Jealousy in Relationships | deebeedeborah

  2. Pingback: Jealousy devastates most of the charming and delightful from! « Another you – Alt tu

    • Yes! Who would trust a GIRL?! The other night, a married woman was flirting with my boyfriend right under my nose! How am I supposed to trust him if he starts drinking?! Bitches ;-)

  3. Sooo true !! With my boyfriend we do all of that already and it feels so reassuring !
    Also, I am not worried about he cheated on me sober, but I think he drink waaaaay too much some nights and I am not SO SURE that he could be able to effectively spurn random chicks advances… that bitched ><

    • I’m afraid I’m not wise enough to answer this question. To me, jealousy is a mix of love, ego, insecurity and lack of trust in your partner. So it is related to trust but not only.

      • I think it’s also related to trust in others no? even if you trust your partner, you can’t trust the chicks that live in the appartement right next the one your partner just moved in (no no no it’s not a personal experience ….. ;p)

        and sometime it can be confident in yourself (something like I can’t compete with her/him)

        • It’s already hard to trust your partner, if you also have to trut any girl he knows… Personally, I don’t trust ANY woman. Especially if they’re nick’s friends and not really mine: they don’t owe anything to me. But yeah, if you’re confident in yourself, you shouldn’t be overly jealous. You’ll always end up thinking: “Why would he cheat on me with her when he has me?!”

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