How You Found Me

When you have a blog, there is a feature called “site stats” that tells you how many visits your blog received and where they came from. In a year of blogging, I am up to 8,000 views which is much more than I ever expected.

Most of my readers come from Facebook where I put up every new post for my friends and family to see. But a fair share also comes from Google and the stats feature allows me to see what words people typed to get to my blog.

Here is a partial screenshot of my search-terms for the past 7 days:

My favorite thing about this feature is that it shows me how many people share my existential questions:

  • Can you be pretty with wrinkles? and Asymmetrical laugh lines came up recently after I wrote a post about My Wrinkle Psychosis. I am relieved to see that I am not the only woman in the world worrying about her asymmetrical laugh lines.
  • Why is Starbucks so popular? This one came up about 25 times. If you also wonder, you can find the answer here.
  • What are factory made diamonds? Search-terms of this kind got me about 20 views as well. I wrote a post about my failed hunt for a conflict-free engagement ring where you’ll find out more about factory-made diamonds.

Another big existential question of mine is about flirting, its benefits and its dangers. Hence, I wrote a post called To flirt or not to flirt? The word flirt came up about 30 times in my search-terms through various questions:

  • Is flirting with your teacher bad?
  • Flirting to not get a ticket (yeah I did that several times. And it worked.)
  • You were in my dream last night flirting (this one comes up regularly, weird.)
  • How to make colleague stop flirting with you?

Apparently, many people also wonder about friendship. A few months ago, I wrote Friends with limited benefits where I make a list of things friends of opposite sex can and can’t do together. For example, going to a nude sauna together is absolutely forbidden. I got 35 views from the search-term “Nude Sauna”.

I also got 10 views from “Friends with limited benefits” which is a title I thought I invented myself so it is weird that some people were looking for it. On the post, there was an illustrated guideline for friends sharing food. For example, licking your fingers should be avoided in your opposite sex  friend’s company. This also got me several views:

  • Woman licking man’s fingers… sex
  • Man licking fingers happily
  • Man licking penis
  • Guys sharing banana
  • Couple sharing cock (Huh?)
Then there are the search-terms surprises. Every time I look at my stats, something in there will make me laugh.
Who would have guessed for example that tagging Wentworth Miller in my post about the gay yoga class would draw such traffic to my blog? I put up a photo of him in the post because one of the participants looked just like him. I tagged his name more as a joke than anything else. Here are the W.M. related search terms I have and the number of times someone looked for them:
  • Wentworth Miller: 38
  • Wentworth Miller gay: 12
  • Wentworth Miller topless: 6
  • Wentworth Miller nude: 2
  • Wentworth Miller fat: 2

I am surprised Wentworth Miller is still so popular. I used to watch Prison Break and fantasise about him about 5 years ago! Now he’s gone older and a bit fat. He’s still charming though.The yoga class is the most search-terms friendly post. People got to it by searching:

  • Gay yoga shorts
  • Hot guy at yoga class
  • Gay yoga guys
  • Downward facing dog nude
  • Micro male tight shorts

And here are the weirdest search-terms that led to my blog, in random order:

  • Pictures of a very old ladyboy breasts (Huh? Do ladyboy really have breasts?)
  • Fat naked woman in rain coat
  • Me being my adjective self (What does this even mean?)
  • Saggy breasts cafe- saggy breasts seem to be extremely popular on the internet, I had at least 20 different search-terms mentionning them.
  • A butcher got married joke (Hum, I should look that up.)
  • Words not to say in New Zealand (What are they?!)
  • He flirts with me heavily and sniffs me (Ha! This actually may have happened to me once. A guy was flirting with me and some people saw him sniffing my hair.)
  • Someone on the internet doesn’t like me
  • Snooty big boobs (How can boobs be snooty?!)
  • French women are ignorant (Chut!)
  • Cupcake my girlfriend is dirty
  • Chubby homely blonde farm girl (I don’t know what in my blog matched this search-term)
  • Consciousness that annoying time between naps (I kind of agree sometimes.)

Finally, thanks to the search-terms, I can see how many people are looking for ME! I have about 50 students total (groups and private lessons combined). I see them every week so some of them might get curious about me and look me up.

Otherwise, it could be one of my 10 ex-boyfriends/flings or just old acquaintances who are wondering what I am up to today. Still, it is weird to see that your name is typed in google so often. In total, I had about 50 search-terms with my name in it. Then I also had about 35 terms with “Trying to be conscious” in it.

Search-terms are supposed to show me what people are interested in, what they’re looking for. Maybe I should write more about gay guys, Wentworth Miller and saggy breasts?


7 thoughts on “How You Found Me

    • Thanks! My search-terms never fail to make me smile, there’s always some new weird, almost sick entry coming up! Looking forward to reading your post about it.

  1. Very amusing post; lots to munch on. I may never find my way back here (now I’m frightened to do a search, :) ) because I arrived thru the random post button, but you’ve got me laughing again, and I’m going to click thru on your highlighted terms. Is this real? Do people really spend time searching like this, or are you pulling our legs. I’d bet you’re kidding us,but you make it sound so real, I’m not sure.

    • I swear that everything in this post is true! I couldn’t make it up even if I wanted, I don’t have enough imagination to come up with such twisted search terms ;-)
      Just yesterday, I had 5 entries about Wentworth Miller again asking: “Why did W. Miller got fat?”

      People from the internet are weird…

  2. I have been meaning to write about my search terms. Some of mine really make me wonder how disappointed they were when they clicked on my blog…
    This is too funny!

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