I don’t always understand men

Sometimes, I feel like a master at male psychology. When Nick refuses to help me proofread one of my post drafts, for example, I start whining endlessly until he caves in to make the noise stop. I’m the Sigmund Freud of nagging.

However, I’m sometimes puzzled by men’s behaviour, speech and beliefs.

The power of breasts

Most straight men I know are obsessed with breasts. Luckily for me, the size doesn’t seem to matter that much. However big a girl’s breasts are, a low-cut top will always have an hypnotic effect on guys. I even caught my faithful fiancé Nick staring at a girl’s cleavage, but forgave him because I’m the perfect woman. I truly understood the power of boobies when I introduced a single girlfriend of mine, let’s call her Irène, to a single guy friend that we’ll call Eric. After the first time they met, I asked Eric:

“So, what do you think of her?”

“Dunno, she has a nice personality, but she’s not really my type.”

They met a second time at a party and Eric showed no interest in her whatsoever. The third time they met was at another party on a hot summer day. Irène was wearing fewer clothes than usual and her pert breasts were nicely displayed in a low-cut top.

Eric’s reaction after the party: “Irène looked nice tonight, can I have her phone number after all?”

Eric saw Irène TWO times, long enough to see her face and her body and felt no attraction for her. As soon as he saw her breasts, she became attractive. I just don’t get it.

Men won’t take my side

Let’s say I had an argument with a girl from work. I come home hoping to get some understanding and comfort from Nick. I tell him how wrong this girl from work has been and how much I hate her.

His reaction: “She probably just had a bad day. And apparently you haven’t been so nice to her either, so what do you expect?”

I expect him to take my side! To show some empathy! I’m not looking for fairness or good judgement, but for comfort. Any girl hearing another girl in distress would know what to say: “What a bitch your colleague is, you were totally right and she was totally wrong.”

But men don’t get that. They want to help me solve the problem, to make sure I’ll be friends with my colleague again soon, and for that, they can’t just take my side. It’s not fair.

Men won’t talk to the one girl they like

How many times have I heard a guy going on and on about how pretty, how perfect, how sexy this one girl is. My reaction is usually to come up with a scheme to help them finally talk to the girl. I’m always ready to play matchmaker if needed and to help them connect with their one true love.

Their reaction: “Oh no, I’ll never talk to her, are you crazy? She’s too perfect, she’s too good for me.” And then they look down, defeated.

I’m not saying that women are more proactive when it comes to talking to someone they like but men seem to have this weird categorisation of women:

  1. Not attractive enough to even catch their attention. What’s the point of talking to them?
  2. Pretty enough to catch their attention but not out of their league so it’s okay to talk to them.
  3. Perfect and inaccessible creatures.
How is anything going to happen if they never talk to the girl? If it doesn’t work, at the very least, they can stop obsessing over her uselessly. And it’ll be some good practice for the next one.
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20 thoughts on “I don’t always understand men

  1. ROFLMAO ! It’s like when I see a guy… He’s nice, okay. But.. then, I see him at the beach in a tight little beach shorts and he’s got a NICE BOOTY. All of a sudden I’m hypnotized! haha

    So… can I see Eric in a speedo? ;-)

    I agree with everything you say in this post! Guys can be confusing..

    • Lol! I’m not sure a nice booty as powerful and hypnotising as a pair of beautiful breasts though… Maybe I’ll draw Eric in his swimsuit for the ladies here :-)

  2. The “boob thing” is hilarious and true. Women don’t always need to be physically attracted to a guy to give them a chance, but men do!
    Funny post!

  3. I can never understand why men cannot find their own belongings. First, their mothers find their things for them, then their wives take over the chore…

    I mean, what’s so difficult about finding your own things? ‘Where did you leave your shoes? That is where you will find them.’ Sheesh…

    • Hum, well, I’m the one who can never find her things. Every morning I ask Nick: “Have you seen my watch? Can’t find it!” And every time he finds it right away! If it is of any comfort, I think it annoys him as much as it annoys you ;-)

  4. This is hilarious and so true! The part about never taking our side really made me laugh, MB is always the same way. I’ve finally started to break him of it but SO annoying! Another great post – as always!

    • Thanks! Glad it made you laugh. I’ve tried to explain to Nick that I was only looking for comfort and not for an objective point of view but he can’t help it! He feels like it’s not helping me at all to take my side no matter what. Annoying indeed, good thing to have girlfriends ;-)

  5. The Irene & Eric story is too funny!
    I’ve had the same problem as you when I try to get sympathy or moral support from a bloke and instead they give practical advice…or end up telling me that I’m to blame. They tell me I’m to blame like they’re doing me a favour! I guess you’ve just got to signpost and tell then that the anecdote you are about to share is expected to elict sympathy, not advice.

    • I think guys definitely have good intentions when they don’t take my side. I’ll try to tell them in advance when I expect sympathy rather than advice, good idea ;-)

    • The post is based on a true story but Irène is the product of my imagination. She’s pretty hot but she’s fed up with guys staring at her breasts all the time. The real girl behind the story is very pretty and cool though, maybe I’ll introduce her to you.

      • Anna? Reading and commenting my blog? Thanks :-) I’ll give you the number of imaginary Eric if you write ten more comments. Poeple from my imagination are so hot!

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