Get out of my way, clutter!

I moved into my flat only two years ago and I already have too much stuff: piles of papers I’ll never attend to, old magazines I’ll never read, clothes and jewelry I’ll never wear. I’m not a hoarder, I often enter give-away/throw-away sprees and I try to consume reasonably. But I still have too much stuff and I feel like I could move faster in my life if I didn’t.

Jewelry and hair accessories I never wear. Time to let it go.

Get out of my closet

I got a kick to start de-cluttering my closet after reading The Cost of Clutter on the excellent blog Truth and Cake. The author Rian explains how a strong emotional memory may be attached to this old top you still have in your wardrobe but never wear. All these little things you keep are emotional baggage weighing on your life. She gives an example:

I looked at a polka dot shirt that I had been holding onto and realized why I hated it so much: it was a shirt I bought one day towards the end of my real estate career. Exhausted, fed up, and stressed beyond belief, I spent all of my money on clothes and facials, anything for a little endorphin kick between the never-ending phone calls and showings. The shirt looked perfectly fine, but it reminded me of that stressful time, of my ultimate inability to cope, of a completely different version of myself. No wonder I never wanted to wear it.

Reading this, it hit me how much emotional baggage I was carrying. Why was I keeping these pyjama my mum had bought for me while I was in the hospital? And these earrings my ex-boyfriend had given me? I started going through my mess and got 4 bags full of stuff to give away. They all carried some significance. Whether good or bad, I didn’t want it to be part of my life anymore.

Get out of my work

I felt so much lighter after de-cluttering my closet that I decided to tidy up other parts of my life. Work came first. I have a class that makes me feel defeated every week. The students are not motivated and don’t seem to care much about learning French. Every week I am unhappy before and after going there and bored while teaching. However much money I can make from it, it isn’t worth it anymore. So I decided to quit teaching this class and make room for new motivated students instead. How light and relieved I felt after sending my letter of resignation!

Get out of my diet

My diet also became cluttered recently. My brain refuses to switch to spring mode when it comes to food. It wants to keep on eating like it was minus ten degrees outside. And it also wants lots of comfort food. Hence the almost daily Starbucks stop, the piece of chocolate with afternoon coffee and a piece of candy in the evening. It all weighs a ton on my body, my wallet and my well-being. Time to get rid of my Starbucks addiction, to replace my daily ration of chocolate with fruits and evening snacks with cucumber and carrots slices.

Get out of my mental space

The way I spend my time could also use a little de-cluttering. More specifically, a part of the time I spend in front of my computer or my iphone needs to be replaced by creating something, going outside biking, climbing or just reading a book in the sun. I don’t feel mentally healthy when I check Facebook several times an hour. It adds the clutter from other people’s lives to mine, which is already important enough. Passive consumption of information through the internet eventually makes my head spin. Creating something of my own makes me feel much more connected to the world than spending time on Facebook anyway.

With all this new space in my closet, my schedule, my stomach and my head, I can see things clearly and fill-in the space with fresh ideas.

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Shut up, Mean Voice!

I have a mean voice talking in the back of my head. She intrudes when I make a mistake or when I drop something to tell me: “Quelle idiote!“

Yeah, my mean voice speaks French. Her favorite words mean: “What an idiot you are!” or “How stupid!” or “You’ll never get it right!”. Sometimes, I even find myself whispering those words aloud like an old lady telling off her cat. Except I would never talk like this to a cat, to a child or to a person. This special treatment is reserved for myself.

The voice is also pretty bossy: “I shouldn’t have said that”; “I should have gone for a run today”; “I shouldn’t eat so much.” She doesn’t whisper constructive ideas on how to improve myself in my ear; it’s just a constant flow of negativity.

I am not always able to stop it. At least now I catch myself doing it and think: “How mean you are to yourself”. Hum, it’s probably still the mean voice talking here.

I guess that being conscious of what’s happening is the first step. Then, when I hear something mean from the voice, I take distance from it. I wouldn’t listen to a mean and negative person in real life so there is no reason I should listen to the voice. I sure hear it but I just don’t listen anymore.

The next step is to replace the mean voice with a friendly one. “You’re doing great!”, “You look pretty” or “How smart!”… Here are the words I want my friendly voice to whisper.

Challenge Cécile (and Léa): Illustrate my Blog

The illustrating crew

I love when bloggers or magazines illustrate articles with a drawing. I draw myself a little bit but it never occurred to me that I could illustrate my own articles. It was something I thought reserved to the more talented. But then I realised that an illustration doesn’t need to be technically impressive to convey a message. My 13 year old sister Léa drew a comic once for Andrew and it was funny and cute. So I thought, ‘why not’?

I got started with illustrations for old blog posts last week while on holiday in Nice with my family. When Léa saw what I was doing, she demanded something to draw so I delegated some posts for her to illustrate. I think we have a lot of potential to improve. You might see our progress in my future posts!

But for now, I’d like to share what we did already. For those who have been reading my blog for a while, there’s even a little game: you can try and guess the post for which the drawing was made. You’ll see the answer and a brief pitch of the post by highlighting the space underneath the picture. (Léa signed her 2 drawings; I made the others.)

For the newcomers, just click on the picture and it’ll lead you to the connected post.

Enjoy!

Highlight here to see the answer: Miss Blue and Miss Red  (in which I explain why I’m so frikkin’ moody)-

Highlight here to see the answer: What Switzerland taught me (in which I tell you the powerful story of how I learned to be almost on time, most of the time)-

Highlight here to see the answer: A Place to hide emotions (in which I explain why I go to the toilets so often and come back all red-eyed)-

Highlight here to see the answer: Challenge Cécile: Jogging (in which I decide to go jogging everyday for 21 days)-

Highlight here to see the answer: How to stay in a bad mood (in which you’ll find great tips to nurture a bad mood)-

How to look French

While I was in New York, I often turned up to parties in jeans and Converse. At first, I would feel out of place but then people would tell me “You look sooo French! I wish I was French.” I didn’t know what they were talking about; I was wearing neither a beret nor onions after all. Whatever it was, it seemed to be desirable. I realised that the French had a special look and attitude when I came back to France and then again when I moved to Switzerland. (More about French vs American look with Garance Doré.)

Looking French doesn’t require much effort. You may even have to give up some of your beauty habits to achieve Frenchness. But first, let’s define what it is, or at least what I think it is…

Charlotte Gainsbourg (actress and singer) and Guillaume Canet (actor and director) are good examples of raw Frenchness. They aren’t traditionally beautiful but they both became icons thanks to their charm. They’re so cool we all want a bit of their swag. So let’s examine their looks:

Bed-head. Light make-up. Simple and comfortable, yet classy outfit. Nonchalant attitude. Smile. Looks like she’s thinking about something else.

Just got out of bed hairstyle, 3 day beard, messy collar, nonchalance, smile, sparkly eyes.

Négligé

The French mastery of the bed-head hairstyle doesn’t mean they never shower! Negligé isn’t dirty. Your hair and clothes need to be clean but it’ll look Frencher if you mess it all up a little before going out. French women sure use brushes, straighteners and irons. How many times did I straighten my hair and then mess it up a bit to avoid looking over done? Same with guys. They prefer to have a little beard showing that they don’t care rather than being freshly shaved. Their shirt will never be perfectly ironed. The French will manage to add a bit of negligé to their look, even in a suit.

Less is more

In all circumstances, we avoid looking “too much”, as we say in France. We’d rather be underdressed than overdressed, even at a fancy party. It means uing less stuff: less hairgel and after-shave for men, less make-up and accessories for women, and less perfume for everyone. French women are great with make-up. I think it’s because we love make-up. We don’t treat it as a mere tool to conceal flaws and enhance beauty; we have fun with it. It means trying new things but with measure. Checking that the colours match and that we don’t use everything we have at once (a bright red lipstick will call for sober eyes, for example.)

Since the French hate looking overdressed, they tame their style by mixing cheap basics with more charismatic pieces. Even if it means showing up underdressed at a party, it won’t matter, it’ll look cooler.

Insouciance

Insouciance means having no worries. To achieve this attitude, you have to act like you don’t care. The French are friendly with an easy smile but they tend to stay in their own mysterious world, thus keeping a distance. Unfortunately, some people misinterpret insouciance with rudeness or disdain. I’m always surprised when I hear that someone thought I was snooty when I really tried to be friendly. I guess you have to give up being liked by everyone in order to look French.

Details

The French look definitely lies in the details:

- Layers

- Dresses for women in all types of weathers

- Scarves: yes, also for men

- Stripes: it’s a bit cliché but whenever I go to France, I notice that everyone wears more white shirts with colourful stripes than anywhere else.

- Few accessories but high quality ones: a nice watch, a leather purse…

- Never ever wear sneakers, especially white ones. Except to do sports, obviously. In France, we can spot tourists with their white sneakers. If you want to be comfy and look French at the same time, wear Converse or ballerinas for girls instead.

Did I forget anything? How would you describe the French look?

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How to stay in a bad mood

Bad moods hit me like summer storms. They’re sudden, devastating and usually short. I’m a roller coaster type of person, with sensational highs and frightening lows. But what my unconscious tries hardest to avoid is boredom.

As emotions are addictive, I unconsciously prefer to feel down rather than neutral. Another option would be to seek happiness but it requires too much effort. It’s way easier to be in a bad mood. So my unconscious has devised schemes to make sure I keep feeling miserable rather than bored. If you also don’t want to work to manage your emotions and hate feeling neutral, follow my simple guide towards long lasting misery!

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1. Fresh air and sunshine are toxic for your bad mood. Stay inside and form a bowl of sadness on your couch.
2. Any risk of fun has to be avoided at all costs. Refuse invitations from your fun friends. Misery loves company though; seek some other depressed people to hang out with.
3. Review all your recent failures in excruciating detail. Not in a hope to grow from your mistakes or to learn anything; just to have something to feel sad about.
4. Eat food directly from a can, or cold pizza. Don’t bother cooking anything nice for yourself; you don’t deserve it.
5. Nurture a mess around yourself. Cleaning is forbidden: you don’t want your place to become too pleasant for depression. Even tidying up is dangerous for it might bring you some clarity.
6. Watch trash on youtube or TV, or something equally unproductive. That way when you get to the end of the day you’ll have the cold sense of loss that comes from totally wasting your life. Which is the only thing you’re good at.
7. Chocolate and binge eating will make you feel worse quickly.
8. Do some EXt-ing (text your exes). If you have any self esteem left, it will be destroyed when they don’t reply.
9. Your body should match your state of mind. Don’t bathe or shower, stay filthy. Try to get really fat as well, it shouldn’t be hard if you’re doing everything else on the list.
10. Find a mirror and scan your imperfections: wrinkles, white hair, fat deposits. You’re disgusting.
11. Compare your life to the advertised life of your Facebook friends and celebrities. Check profiles from people who seem more successful than you, look at their photos and feel lame. If you’re a woman, compare yourself to pictures in magazines. If you’re a man, notice all the world-class footballers who are younger than you and realise you are never going to make it to the World Cup.
12. Think about your life in extremes: “This guy is ALWAYS against me.” “I’ll NEVER find a girlfriend.” “NO-ONE loves me.” “EVERYTHING sucks.”
13. Block any positive thought out of your brain: nice friends? A good job? A recent achievement? They have no value in the face of how lame you are.y

OR, you could just go outside, breathe some fresh air, meet fun friends and build around the positive aspects of your life. Beware though, once you kick yourself out of your sorry state, it might become harder to get back into it.

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Vegetarian FAIL

A year ago, I wrote a post called Why I try to be a vegetarian. I had just read Eating Animals by J. S. Foer and I was convinced that eating meat was cruel, bad for the environment and unhealthy. I was determined to give up meat and no cow would block  my way to righteousness. A year later, I still agree with J. S. Foer’s philosophy, but I am as vegetarian as a hyena. What happened?

My body demands meat

It was easy to be a vegetarian the first months. I always looked for food full of iron, vitamins and proteins to make sure my body would get all it needed. I felt great: my weight was stable, I was healthier and had better digestion.

However, after 8 months or so, the vegetarian honeymoon was over. I started paying less attention to the variety of food I was eating. At the same time, it was winter in Switzerland, when you need more minerals, proteins and energy to survive the freezing cold and the snow. I was getting sick every 2 weeks. The 3rd time I went to the doctor, he told me I had an iron deficiency causing me to be weaker and more often sick. The only solution he suggested was to start eating meat again.

It is not the only solution though. The real problem for me is that being vegetarian requires extra effort and I am a bit lazy when it comes to food. To make sure your iron levels stay high, you have to eat more dark green vegetables and beans and take supplements. The supplements are annoying because you have to take them in the morning when you wake up and then wait half an hour to eat anything and an hour to drink tea or coffee- if you don’t just forget to take them, like I did half of the time.

So when I started paying less attention to what I ate and couldn’t be bothered taking iron supplements correctly, the meat cravings started. It wasn’t mere gluttony; my body really demanded the meat. After a long day skiing in the cold, for example, all I could think of was a big hamburger, with bacon in it. Nothing else would satisfy me.

Eating animals? Yes, please!

I love a good meal shared with friends and family. And when friends and family are not vegetarian, you can’t share food the same way anymore. Once, at a wedding, the hosts  had organised a special meal for Nick and me. From the start, we felt like pariahs at the table with our little green sign indicating we were the annoying guests requesting a vegetarian dish. Everyone asked us why we were vegetarian, where we were getting our proteins and so on. We patiently answered their questions.

When Nick saw the food served to the others, delicious smelling roasted lamb, his senses overwhelmed him and he quickly hid his green sign under his towel. Everyone laughed at his weakness. I laughed as well until a plate of dry pasta with 3 pieces of tofu on the side arrived for me. I ended up begging Nick for a share of his meal, disgusted by the tasteless food in front of me. Nick quietly accepted to give me a piece while everyone at the table gleefully called us called us fake vegetarians.

Obviously, this restaurant didn’t know how to cook a decent meal without meat. Vegetarian cuisine can be extremely creative and flavourful; meat isn’t needed to make a feast. But that day, eating my dry tofu while everyone else was exclaiming over how good their food was, I resented being a vegetarian.

I admire vegans who give up all pleasures on this earth to spare animal life. How can they resist milk-chocolate, crêpes and cheese? As a French woman, it is hard to be vegetarian because all our best specialties have meat in them- think boeuf bourguignon, coq au vin, gigot d’agneau, etc.

To make things harder, Nick is from New Zealand where they eat lamb as if it grew on trees and the barbeque is an extension to the kitchen. So when I travelled there, I couldn’t resist all the temptations. Especially after seeing what a happy life sheep have in New Zealand, wandering freely around amazing landscapes.  The belief that they had a happy life takes half of the weight off my conscience when I eat them. Also, calories from happy sheep don’t count. That’s science.

Time to try harder

I wonder what I should call myself- A failed vegetarian? A recreational meat eater?

I never buy or cook meat so my kitchen is vegetarian- apart from rare bacon invasions allowed by Nick (“it’s more a spice than meat,” he would plead). Outside my house, I am not strict. If I am at a restaurant, especially in foreign countries, I allow myself a treat with meat every once in a while.

When I am exhausted or lacking iron, eating meat is the easy, lazy option. I need to start cooking lentils and broccoli more often and to take those supplements again. Then I’ll have  no excuse to eat meat.

I feel weak-minded and lame having eaten so much meat the past months, going against my decision to become vegetarian. I will probably never be a strict one but I owe it to myself to try harder.

My Zürich: Chocolate and Blossoms

Spring is here! Every green leaf and sunbeam brings me a rush of positive energy. New season, new projects: I decided to post photos more often. I’ll start with 2 things that make me happy in Zürich at the moment: chocolate and blossoms. Below is a sweet selection from my visit to Le Salon du Chocolat (the world’s largest even dedicated to chocolate) mixed with images of the blossoming trees around my house.

At Le Salon du Chocolat, it was possible to sample every kind of chocolate, I even had one with pepper in it and it was delicious. My friend Tory and I tried and looked at everything until we couldn’t bear the smell of chocolate anymore.

What Switzerland taught me

Switzerland gave me my first real job. Not a summer job, not an internship; the job that would pay rents and bills. When I arrived 3 years ago, I suffered from a kind of French disdain for work. Working was something annoying I had to do while preserving my energy for my private life.

I started teaching French in a spectacularly wrong manner. I arrived to the lessons late, breathless and unprepared. I didn’t know anything about French grammar and had never studied to be a French teacher- I studied law. I treated the job as something I would do before I’d start my real career as a lawyer or whatever.

Léa, my 13 year old sister made this cool illustration.

But teaching took me by surprise: I actually loved it and even though I had no training, I was good at it. I liked meeting different people everyday: unemployed kids, housewives, top bankers. I could bring something to them: some needed reassurance, others entertainment and a few, astonishingly, just wanted to learn French grammar. The ever changing schedule was far from the traditional 8 to 6 routine I dreaded and I had the total freedom to plan my lessons as I pleased.

I enjoyed finding ways to make grammar understandable and less boring. Seeing the progress my students made. Looking for new ideas to make the lessons interesting. And of course, having some time for writing. The money would never be as good as what I could make with law, but loving my job was, and still is, my highest priority.

So I started taking things seriously. I learned the grammar and the teaching techniques. I enrolled in a teaching French as a foreign language class. Teaching wasn’t a side job anymore, it was the life I wanted to pursue, giving up the grim prospect of a career in law with little regret.

I had to work on myself to become professional though; the Swiss expect their teacher to be on time, prepared and professional-looking. Here is what I learned in Switzerland:

1. Act and look professional

The first step to achieve my professional-self was to be punctual… most of the time anyway. Growing up in France, being on time was a vague concept meaning arriving between 5 minutes before and after the time of the rendez-vous. No-one would even notice a 5 minute difference. The French would only start getting angry after waiting for at least 10 minutes.

The Swiss, on the other hand, don’t mess around with punctuality. Once, I was ONE minute late to a class and my boss told me off at the end of the lesson. So I had to change. I am still a few minutes late sometimes but I always make-up for it at the end of the lesson.

Then I noticed that my students were sensitive to details like always carrying a pen and paper to take notes. I learned to look prepared in every situation, even if I only had 5 minutes in the tram to prepare my lesson.

Acting professional also included giving up getting too personal with the students or allowing myself to discreetly snack during the lesson. Tough.

2. Take my time

I am as impatient as a hungry baby waiting to be breast fed. So I tend to rush and to rush others. But the Swiss like taking their time. Some students need half an hour just to tell me about their weekend! I wanted to teach efficiently and I was so efficient that after 40 minutes, I had finished my lesson while there was still 40 minutes to fill. I was going too fast and my students were getting stressed out. So I learned to take my time, to let my students talk, to write more on the whiteboard and to accept unexpected turns in lessons.

3. Incorporate my personality

The Swiss tend to be extremely cautious and diplomatic when they want to complain about something. But It’s not because I live and work in Switzerland that I have to become the perfect Swiss worker. If I don’t like something, I go to my boss and tell him openly. He’s often surprised by my manners but he listens.

I am still a bit messy in my presentation and can be a few minutes late. When my students complain about it, I turn it into a joke: “It’s not my fault, I’m French! If you want to learn with a real French teacher, you have to put up with the mess.” And it works. Most of the time, my students laugh and make fun of me.

4. Don’t bully people into giving me their opinions or details about their private life

When I started teaching, I had this strange fantasy about becoming my student’s confidant. I also wanted to have real debates of opinion and lively conversations with them. But not everyone feels like displaying their opinions or private life. It makes some feel uncomfortable. So I learned to stop asking. If they want to share something, they will anyway.

5. Demand the right salary for my work

Switzerland is famous for its high quality products and services… and also for its high prices. I learned that it was worth paying for quality, but also normal to ask a decent salary for my work. I have a few private students outside of the school where I work and at first, I barely dared ask them for money. Gradually, I understood that I was bringing them a valuable service and that they were happy to pay the right price for it.

I also learned how to say chocolate in Swiss-German: Schoggi (pronounce shoki.) An essential survival skill.

Switzerland is the perfect place to learn how to become professional. I don’t think I would have been able to keep any job with the attitude I had at the start. I am grateful that my students and employers were patient enough to give me a chance.

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Challenge Cécile: The Café Correspondent (2)

After a difficult start as a website Café Correspondent in Zürich, I wrote the second article about Nordbrücke with my Swiss friend Beat.

Check it out here!

A few people wrote to me from the site to suggest places and I will try to meet and write about all of them. It’s great and exciting to receive such positive feedback.

How You Found Me

When you have a blog, there is a feature called “site stats” that tells you how many visits your blog received and where they came from. In a year of blogging, I am up to 8,000 views which is much more than I ever expected.

Most of my readers come from Facebook where I put up every new post for my friends and family to see. But a fair share also comes from Google and the stats feature allows me to see what words people typed to get to my blog.

Here is a partial screenshot of my search-terms for the past 7 days:

My favorite thing about this feature is that it shows me how many people share my existential questions:

• Can you be pretty with wrinkles? and Asymmetrical laugh lines came up recently after I wrote a post about My Wrinkle Psychosis. I am relieved to see that I am not the only woman in the world worrying about her asymmetrical laugh lines.
• Why is Starbucks so popular? This one came up about 25 times. If you also wonder, you can find the answer here.
• What are factory made diamonds? Search-terms of this kind got me about 20 views as well. I wrote a post about my failed hunt for a conflict-free engagement ring where you’ll find out more about factory-made diamonds.

Another big existential question of mine is about flirting, its benefits and its dangers. Hence, I wrote a post called To flirt or not to flirt? The word flirt came up about 30 times in my search-terms through various questions:

• Is flirting with your teacher bad?
• Flirting to not get a ticket (yeah I did that several times. And it worked.)
• You were in my dream last night flirting (this one comes up regularly, weird.)
• How to make colleague stop flirting with you?

Apparently, many people also wonder about friendship. A few months ago, I wrote Friends with limited benefits where I make a list of things friends of opposite sex can and can’t do together. For example, going to a nude sauna together is absolutely forbidden. I got 35 views from the search-term “Nude Sauna”.

I also got 10 views from “Friends with limited benefits” which is a title I thought I invented myself so it is weird that some people were looking for it. On the post, there was an illustrated guideline for friends sharing food. For example, licking your fingers should be avoided in your opposite sex  friend’s company. This also got me several views:

• Woman licking man’s fingers… sex
• Man licking fingers happily
• Man licking penis
• Guys sharing banana
• Couple sharing cock (Huh?)

Then there are the search-terms surprises. Every time I look at my stats, something in there will make me laugh.

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Who would have guessed for example that tagging Wentworth Miller in my post about the gay yoga class would draw such traffic to my blog? I put up a photo of him in the post because one of the participants looked just like him. I tagged his name more as a joke than anything else. Here are the W.M. related search terms I have and the number of times someone looked for them:

• Wentworth Miller: 38
• Wentworth Miller gay: 12
• Wentworth Miller topless: 6
• Wentworth Miller nude: 2
• Wentworth Miller fat: 2

I am surprised Wentworth Miller is still so popular. I used to watch Prison Break and fantasise about him about 5 years ago! Now he’s gone older and a bit fat. He’s still charming though.The yoga class is the most search-terms friendly post. People got to it by searching:

• Gay yoga shorts
• Hot guy at yoga class
• Gay yoga guys
• Downward facing dog nude
• Micro male tight shorts

And here are the weirdest search-terms that led to my blog, in random order:

• Pictures of a very old ladyboy breasts (Huh? Do ladyboy really have breasts?)
• Fat naked woman in rain coat
• Me being my adjective self (What does this even mean?)
• Saggy breasts cafe- saggy breasts seem to be extremely popular on the internet, I had at least 20 different search-terms mentionning them.
• A butcher got married joke (Hum, I should look that up.)
• Words not to say in New Zealand (What are they?!)
• He flirts with me heavily and sniffs me (Ha! This actually may have happened to me once. A guy was flirting with me and some people saw him sniffing my hair.)
• Someone on the internet doesn’t like me
• Snooty big boobs (How can boobs be snooty?!)
• French women are ignorant (Chut!)
• Cupcake my girlfriend is dirty
• Chubby homely blonde farm girl (I don’t know what in my blog matched this search-term)
• Consciousness that annoying time between naps (I kind of agree sometimes.)

Finally, thanks to the search-terms, I can see how many people are looking for ME! I have about 50 students total (groups and private lessons combined). I see them every week so some of them might get curious about me and look me up.

Otherwise, it could be one of my 10 ex-boyfriends/flings or just old acquaintances who are wondering what I am up to today. Still, it is weird to see that your name is typed in google so often. In total, I had about 50 search-terms with my name in it. Then I also had about 35 terms with “Trying to be conscious” in it.

Search-terms are supposed to show me what people are interested in, what they’re looking for. Maybe I should write more about gay guys, Wentworth Miller and saggy breasts?